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The Center for Courageous Living

A mindful exploration of our many relationships in the world

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A GAP IN THE MOMENTUM

Time is a curious thing.  We identify it as a curse or blessing.  We curse time when there is not enough and bless time through rituals and ceremonies. Relating with time is a necessity and often times an obsession. A pianist sets a metronome to the tempo which brings full expression to the music. A manager encourages a healthy pace of engagement to a team working within the parameters of deadlines and goals. An Olympic coach clicks a stopwatch in hopes the athlete will “shave off” time to fulfill the dream of gold. We find that we are constantly adjusting, measuring, and striving.

In a world of instant updates, fast-moving images, sound bytes, and gadgets that promise greater efficiency, many Americans hold a misunderstanding of the relationship between time, speed and accomplishment.  While a speedy pace can bring about accomplishment, speed often moves along for the sake of action alone. Along the way, many details are lost and the result is often exhaustion and irritability. Exhausted, we struggle to feel connected, resourced, and balanced.

But is it wise to attribute the sense of disconnect and imbalance to external conditions––the pandemic, social and political divisiveness, the blurring of work and home life?  Or can we be honest and brave enough to look at inner conditions as contributors to stress and exhaustion––the mind’s distractedness, mental speediness, and biasedness? When we take a close look at our inner workings we discover habits of mental and physical speed, habits of striving.

How does striving express itself in daily life? Many people strive for wealth and fame, youth and beauty, or power and influence. These concerns can give a direction to one’s life and satisfaction once they are achieved (if they are). However, the joy tends to fade quickly. We are pre-disposed to quickly lose our interest once we have achieved what we wanted. Ready for the next thing. Ready to make another move. Never satisfied. Never content. Often in a hurry.

“Striving to better, oft we mar what’s well.”  – William Shakespeare

The longing to live differently, at a different pace, with more ease, more grace, less striving, is a sign of fundamental healthiness. We intuitively long for a spacious timelessness that nurtures body, heart, and mind. This longing is often elicited through memory or fantasy: a recollection of a song, dreaming of a creative project, or gazing at the night sky. That longing can also be fulfilled through the practice of meditation. When we bring mindfulness-awareness to our moment-to-moment experience we notice small gaps in the momentum of thoughts. We don’t generally notice the small spaces between things because gaps don’t grab our attention, they aren’t exciting.  However, if we look closely we see that gaps, felt through the momentary release of striving to get somewhere or be someone, point to an innate freedom. Time is no longer an issue.

“Non-doing really means non-doing.  And radically speaking, it means giving up wanting anything else to happen, even in the next moment, never mind at the end of the day or at the end of a year, in terms of the bottom line, and be willing to just stand in how things are in this moment.” – Jon Kabat-Zinn

The Gift of Silent Retreat

The silence amidst the noise
the gem at the core
of every experience
is polished by simple attention
into shining magnificence
-Nirmala  “words do not come”

I remember my very first experience on an 8-day retreat. I had no idea what to expect. I had been meditating for a year or so and decided it was time to try a retreat. The challenges in the first few days felt insurmountable. I wanted to jump out of my skin. By the end, I never wanted to leave! Each time I was ready to give up, something was said by one of the teachers which gave such encouragement and confidence that my thoughts of leaving vanished. This was helped by the support of everyone else as we practiced together in community. It’s hard to describe what happened. Suffice to say it changed my life forever.

Retreat practice is such a unique opportunity, and these days in-person retreats are even more special. With vaccines, ease of testing and a communal commitment to keeping each other safe, we can finally consider residential retreats again. I’m looking forward to co-leading a retreat at the beautiful Shambhala Mountain Center with my colleague Janet Solyntjes. While Janet teaches often at SMC this will be my first time and I hope you can join us.  

Over the past 18 months, there have been many online offerings for retreat practice from your own home. Perhaps you have been able to benefit from that. I certainly did. While these have been so valuable within the period of pandemic quarantine and allowed many of us to deepen our ability to “retreat in the midst of life,” there is still a big difference between leaving your normal environment and literally “going” on retreat.  And while many of us have found Zoom to be surprisingly conducive to creating community, nothing quite lives up to being in the presence of others in the same space. There is something about the collective momentum and embodied container of residential retreats that make them ideal. 

 


“I personally consider the periodic sitting of relatively long (at least 7 – 10 days and occasionally much longer) teacher-led [silent] retreats to be an absolute necessity in the developing of one’s own meditation practice…“    – Jon Kabat-Zinn


 

My first retreat was before the introduction of “smart phones,” countless apps, and other distractions of modern living. These days, there is much more to renounce. Beyond simply not speaking, the silence on retreat allows us to explore what it’s like to live with less input and fragmentation. We will ask you to turn off your digital device. Some will choose to relinquish it all together. Are you up for it? Many shirk at this, others jump at the opportunity. I would urge anyone to experience their nervous system freed up from the demands of our devices for an extended amount of time. There are treasures to be discovered in the silence. A kind of rest well beyond a good night’s sleep or even a “vacation.”  

The daily schedule on retreat includes pre-breakfast meditation and some movement.  The day will follow with some guidance and then alternating between sitting meditation practices and walking meditation. There will be time allotted for informal practice which, beyond the meals, will include enjoying the outdoors or practicing other forms of unguided mindful movement. That natural environment can become our teacher. There will also be daily talks offering insights on practice, and group meetings with the teachers to discuss how it’s going, with time for any questions. 

Retreat practice may seem “selfish,” in that you are taking this time “for yourself.” You might have the view that you are not contributing to the betterment of the world or being “productive.” In fact, retreat practice is radical! You are expanding your capacity to be with the continual uncertainties and challenges of the world. Your heart and mind open in ways that allow for creative response and true presence.  And as important as anything, while on retreat, you are bringing silence and stillness, a different way of being, to the world that so desperately needs it. We retreat from the world to wholeheartedly re-enter the world, with greater equanimity and ease. And don’t worry, most of us bring the world with us anyway, right there on the meditation cushion! 

by Jon Aaron

Co-leader for December 10-17, Heart of Mindfulness Silent Retreat

28,762 days

This is the number of days that make up the average life expectancy of a person born in the United States. How many of these days will US citizens spend appreciating life? How will you spend this one?

We are a time-conscious society. Productivity, connectivity, pressured to beat the clock—how often do we look at our iPhone or laptop to see what time it is? Do we understand what time is telling us? The clock and the calendar are both saying that we won’t be here forever. They reveal one simple truth: time only runs in one direction.

An aspen tree doesn’t look at a clock to see when it is time to turn golden.

The northern lake doesn’t need a timeline or deadline to tell it when to freeze or thaw.

As humans, we often experience time-related stress. Rather than seeing the passing of time as a source of pressure or a reason to feel that we are too lazy, too crazy, or that we are losing our grip on youth, we can flip our way of seeing. How do I want to use this day, this hour, this fractional moment in a way that allows contentment and happiness to grow in this world?

Time is an interesting thing. Sometimes it moves quickly, sometimes it moves slowly. At times we are lost in the momentum of experience; other times we feel imprisoned by the 10-second wait for the loading of a website. For the most part, we have been metaphorically “watching the clock” for much of our life. Do we really know why?

Reflecting on the passing of time and the inevitability of the end of our time on earth is one way to discover the fulfillment of being here, now, just as we are, in the world as it is. Imagine the freedom in not having to worry, complain, fantasize, plan, and rehash life’s other moments. This freedom comes when we relax into now.

Meditating in a retreat setting is one way to spend one’s time in the best way possible. Unplugged and connected to self, others, and the natural world allows more space to reflect on what matters (before we take our last breath). Time can morph into the timeless without any effort on our end. Stress is cradled in self-acceptance and patience. The struggle with winning or losing is held in the open, primordial field of awareness and thus relaxes. While nothing is promised, the effort made to courageously engage with every day is good training.

One reason I love leading Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction programs at Shambhala Mountain Center is because the powerful environment supports the simple practice of mindfulness. Together, they nurture the appreciation of existence, of the breath that continues life, and of the understanding that there is only one moment we have to live.

Innate Beauty

Have you noticed how human beings can express themselves in such a variety of ways? We can be fantastic, imaginative, inexplicably wise, and quirky. We can be kind, generous, patient and courageous in the face of challenges. We can also be stingy, grumpy, angry and confused. When we make the choice to inhabit our being––fully present and aware––we can then learn to embrace all parts of our experience, uncovering the wholeness and goodness that is the basis of all life. [Read more…] about Innate Beauty

On Silent Group Meditation Retreats

10 things I’ve learned along the way:

In 1987 I participated in my first silent group meditation retreat. It was a month-long program held at what is now called Shambhala Mountain Center (SMC). A few friends suggested that it was the next thing for me to do on my meditative journey. For me, going on retreat was an abstract concept, a box to check off on my way to something more important. Perhaps I had fallen under the spell of spiritual materialism – seeking higher states, an idealized state of peace, and wanting some form of credential from engaging in what seemed like a very long time to spend doing nothing. Would a month of intensive practice make me a “better” spiritual person? [Read more…] about On Silent Group Meditation Retreats

Three Questions that Strike the Vital Point of MBSR

Several days ago I received a list of common questions that potential MBSR participants have voiced to the staff at Mindful Leader.  In looking over the list I thought I would address one, but found that three questions, when combined, strike the heart of what we could call the MBSR experiential journey.  These questions represent the beginning, middle, and end of any journey one might take: the view, practice, and result.  

Take, for example, the path of helping others.  Before one can help others one must become familiar with one’s own motivation for doing so and then aspire to truly help.  The aspiration might be to bring about racial, gender, and economic equality, to heal the sick, to offer shelter to those unhoused, to protect those who are in abusive conditions. Recognizing the motivation for what one is going to do is connected to view.  [Read more…] about Three Questions that Strike the Vital Point of MBSR

On Sharing Our Meditative Journey

When I began my meditation practice in 1984 at Naropa Institute, I was surrounded — literally in all directions — by meditators. The faculty, students, staff, and Board of Directors of the Institute (now University) had a sitting meditation practice. People would include “sitting” in classes, at the start of meetings, on the lawn, in offices, alone or in circles with colleagues, on picnic tables, and in the centrally located meditation hall. Dialogues across campus, in all departments and on all levels, were informed by one’s personal experience with meditation practice. We were a community, a sangha, of teachers, students, administrators, and leaders. It was one of the most vibrant periods of my life. [Read more…] about On Sharing Our Meditative Journey

The Open Question

For the past few decades, I have been immersed in various teachings, trainings, and pathways that have inspired me to repeatedly ask the question, “Why am I really here?” Outer circumstances and inner stirrings have led to these contemplations. My intention behind this offering is to guide, support, and lead you into various contemplations so that your deepest wisdom can emerge from beneath any storms on the surface of your life that might be distracting and leading your attention astray.

This is an offering in three parts. There’s a fourth part but that is actually an offering that I encourage you to make yourself, to yourself. The overall theme of this offering is living with intentionality. The method is twofold: 1) sensing into an open question, and 2) asking the open question in relationship to different aspects of your life. The result… Who knows? It could be that in exploring these questions you better understand yourself and what truly matters to you. [Read more…] about The Open Question

Happify!

Explore this wonderful website/app featured in The New York Times, Forbes, Today, The New Yorker, and World 3.0 with Katie Couric – happify.com

Learn to Love Yourself & Others
Guided meditation and science-based activities and games

  • Find self-acceptance
  • Build compassion
  • Feel more open-hearted and accepting of others

Scientifically Designed

Happify’s activities and games are based on cutting-edge research from leading academic institutions. Their proprietary framework is designed to train your brain and help you build skills for lasting happiness.

 

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• jeff@nullthecenterforcourageousliving.com

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